TERMINAL BUILDING - BOARDING AREA
"Welcome to RUB Airlines! We will begin our boarding process shortly. Flight 409, departing Stressville bound for Nirvana, will board through Gate 17 at 3:30 p.m. Pacific time. This flight is on schedule. Please have your boarding passes ready," announced the ticketer.
"Nervous? First time?," asked the stewardess. "Don't worry! I'll make sure you're snuggled in and comfortable. Since you've not taken a massage flight before, let me give you some pointers that will make for a pleasant ride. First, please make sure your busy, chattering mind is turned off. This is a 'worry free zone.' Next, I am going to ask you to put your array, or rather, disarray of problems in imaginary suitcases. That's right. Put them a-l-l in there. Wait, you forgot to put in your anxiety, fear, shame and anger. There you go. Oops, don't forget the "lacks." Lack of funds. Lack of love. Lack of commitment. Sorry abandonment and resentment, you don't get to escape so easily. And, hey, you over there, stop! Ya, you, guilt, I'm talking to you! You get your ripply, overstuffed glutes in that BIG suitcase over there. That's a good passenger, stuff them all in and sit on the lids to close the cases if you need. Now, leave those suitcases outside the passenger cabin door as you enter and climb on the table.
Just leave them there for 60 minutes. That's all I ask. No one is going to steal them, believe me, they have plenty of baggage of their own. They don't need yours any more than you do. If there are items you wish to retrieve from those suitcases after your massage, feel free to claim them as you exit the terminal. Personally, I hope you don't but, unfortunately, RUB Airline's lost baggage return percentage is very high. Ready? All aboard!!!"
"4-0-9er to ground control. We're ready, loaded and prepared to taxi."
"4-0-9er, this is the tower, taxi to runway 1-9er. Flight 4-0-9er, you're cleared for take off. Stressville departure frequency 2-2-3 point 9er."
"Roger, tower. Request vector, over."
"4-0-9er, tower has you cleared for vector 3-4-5."
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is captain Ronda speaking. Tower has given us clearance. We'll be cruising at 38,000 feet this afternoon. Our arrival time in Nirvana will be 4:30 p.m. Pacific time. The temperature there is currently a perfect 80 degrees with a 0% chance of precipitation. It looks like we will have smooth flying. Meanwhile relax and enjoy your flight. Over and out."