Thursday, February 12, 2009

Every Shoe Deserves a Mate


Every Shoe Deserves a Mate

LOVE, the greatest joy of all, often feels just outside our reach. We spend countless hours looking for, and talking about, the qualities of our ideal mate, our soul mate. Our heart yearns for another with whom to share our lives, to make us feel whole. We use technology, the Internet and e-harmony, in its pursuit. We long for a healthy, nurturing relationship. All too frequently, we enter into a relationship and initially, like a comfortable pair of shoes, it feels so good! As we walk down Hookup Highway, the shine of new dulls with dust and the chaffing blisters of complicated begin. Often, over time, the shoe no longer fits.

Being human, we look outside of ourselves for confirmation of our worth. Many of us get tangled in unhealthy relationships. Even in good relationships, there can be unhealthy times. We don't know how to be with ourselves let alone with another. We never learned. There are very few instructors teaching self rapport.

Our confusion starts early, when we are young. During our pubescent, salad days, our hormones, becoming active, carry all kinds of erotic messages through out our body. Suddenly, our structure is different. We feel warm tingles in new places. Our brain gets strange signals and reason is, often, unreasonable. For years we've been comfortable in tennis shoes, but now, WOW, trading up to that pair of high tops or high heels sounds salacious. We are in love!

At least, we believe we are in love. But there is a difference between attraction, desire and love. If we have not been taught the difference, life can be as precarious as a tiara on a skater's head. If we have never learned how to go inside ourselves to find our own richness, we may unwrap many Wonka bars looking for the Golden Ticket. And so, we go from relationship to relationship to relationship looking for fulfilment. We feel so blessed and extraordinary when we find that special someone. But if we are not whole and healed, we will fill our relationship with all of our old, composted beliefs. If we have not cleared the toxic relationships we've had with our mother and father, we may attract mates with those same qualities. An overbearing critic, a domineering dictator or a nagging shrew may be in our future.

Even if you are on spiritual path, the relationship may not be wonderful. Say you are quietly meditating. In the quiet purity of your mind, your soul, in expansion, comes to give you a fleeting tease of eternity. If your lover is with you, you are in conflict with this being and your soul. The moment dissolves. It doesn't work. Even if both are on the same path, there is still conflict. One aspires when the other doesn't.

So, become enlightened first and be in a relationship second. It is much easier! Being enlightened simply means operating from a place of high vibration, a state of lightness and positivity. When we are enlightened, we know that we are here to serve humanity. Otherwise, the tug-of-war can continue. Why are you looking at her and not at me? You say you love me, but why won't you tell me you love me? If you loved me, you wouldn't... (fill in the blank). If you loved me, you would...(fill in the blank). This is the contention of relationship most of the time.

Enjoy your time with you. Dare to be who you are! Establish a relationship with yourself whether you have a mate or not. Learn how YOU act and behave in certain circumstances. When a relationship problem arises, it will be much easier to sort out.

So, this Valentine's Day take time to, not only celebrate your lover, if you have one, celebrate yourself too. Buy yourself a rose. Treat yourself to a scrumptious chocolate truffle. Savor a fine glass of wine or a rare tea. Treat yourself to a massage. Enjoy the splendor of the sunset with your soul.

After all, every shoe deserves a mate.



Reya Mellicker said...

Ronda, I always love what you have to say. Most of the time, I agree with you completely. when I don't exactly agree, I always learn something.

LOVE the pic of you doing the energy healing!

Love, oh sweet love. Love, desire, attraction, even unhealthy relationships - it's all good for us. I believe we yearn for love so strongly because we know in our heart of hearts that in those kinds of relationships we are able to work through buckets of karmic lessons. Only blood family relationships are as potent in terms of being able to learn and evolve.

I see friends and family in "unhealthy" relationships and wonder, "What are they working through? What is the sacred drama they are enacting?"

Been thinking about my own past relationships in that frame of reference lately. It's far more productive than thinking I screwed up so badly in romance in the past.

Thanks for making me think this morning. Thanks for the great shoe images. I can't wear shoes like that anymore. can you?

Christina said...

Wonderful post. So true!

I'll take the sneakers with the tiara any day!

Ronda Laveen said...

Reya, thanks. I completely agree with you in finding the value of learning something even when you don't agree with another's opinion.

That is my friend, Deidra, in the photo doing the energy work. She is a powerful healer. I find the picture very sweet. What a legacy to hand to a child.

Yes, yes, yes! You get it. Even unhealthy relationships are good for strength, for self learning rather than self loathing. And, oh, the Karma that is being burned is huge. It is all good if you incorporate it that way. I started to go into that aspect but decided the piece was almost too long as it was and that was a topic for another blog.

NO (emphatically)!! I can not, nor do I want to, wear shoes like that anymore. My feet yearn for comfort rather than style. But I still love to look at beautiful shoes and admire those with the fortitude to wear them. I work with a gaggle of young, fashionista, hair stylists who stand for 8-12 hours a day wearing high heels like those pictured. I am humbled by their tenacious dedication to style.

Yes, Christina, I, too, would choose the sneakers.

Reya Mellicker said...

When I was in Rome a few years ago I couldn't stop watching the gorgeous women striding along on the cobblestone streets in their heels. Wow. YES, that's amazing.

Mrsupole said...


Mrsupole said...


It is not often that I am at a loss for words, but all I can still say is WOW. That is just some insightful thinking. I have read this many times. But you know what is funny I keep thinking that its my relationship with "food" that fits this. Although I know it is all true with all of our relationships. It makes so much sense.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day.

Ronda Laveen said...

WOW, back at you...relationship with food? Yes, for me too. For others, perhaps, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex, etc. You ARE very insightful.

Mrsupole said...

Food we cannot live without, so it is the hardest relationship we have.

I forgot to tell you I loved the pictures of the cats. Some people "see" so much more.

And I never could wear those heels. I am a flip-flop person. Great pics. Still can't figure out how to post from photobucket. Just lucky to do it from my digital camera. Dang it, I am just lucky to even figure out how to use the camera.