TERMINAL BUILDING - BOARDING AREA
"Welcome to RUB Airlines! We will begin our boarding process shortly. Flight 409, departing Stressville bound for Nirvana, will board through Gate 17 at 3:30 p.m. Pacific time. This flight is on schedule. Please have your boarding passes ready," announced the ticketer.
"Nervous? First time?," asked the stewardess. "Don't worry! I'll make sure you're snuggled in and comfortable. Since you've not taken a massage flight before, let me give you some pointers that will make for a pleasant ride. First, please make sure your busy, chattering mind is turned off. This is a 'worry free zone.' Next, I am going to ask you to put your array, or rather, disarray of problems in imaginary suitcases. That's right. Put them a-l-l in there. Wait, you forgot to put in your anxiety, fear, shame and anger. There you go. Oops, don't forget the "lacks." Lack of funds. Lack of love. Lack of commitment. Sorry abandonment and resentment, you don't get to escape so easily. And, hey, you over there, stop! Ya, you, guilt, I'm talking to you! You get your ripply, overstuffed glutes in that BIG suitcase over there. That's a good passenger, stuff them all in and sit on the lids to close the cases if you need. Now, leave those suitcases outside the passenger cabin door as you enter and climb on the table.
Just leave them there for 60 minutes. That's all I ask. No one is going to steal them, believe me, they have plenty of baggage of their own. They don't need yours any more than you do. If there are items you wish to retrieve from those suitcases after your massage, feel free to claim them as you exit the terminal. Personally, I hope you don't but, unfortunately, RUB Airline's lost baggage return percentage is very high. Ready? All aboard!!!"
"4-0-9er to ground control. We're ready, loaded and prepared to taxi."
"4-0-9er, this is the tower, taxi to runway 1-9er. Flight 4-0-9er, you're cleared for take off. Stressville departure frequency 2-2-3 point 9er."
"Roger, tower. Request vector, over."
"4-0-9er, tower has you cleared for vector 3-4-5."
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is captain Ronda speaking. Tower has given us clearance. We'll be cruising at 38,000 feet this afternoon. Our arrival time in Nirvana will be 4:30 p.m. Pacific time. The temperature there is currently a perfect 80 degrees with a 0% chance of precipitation. It looks like we will have smooth flying. Meanwhile relax and enjoy your flight. Over and out."
42 comments:
oh, oh, i wanna turn...fun post ronda. all for lost baggage this way...happy TT!
One ticket please!!!
I want oh so bad to go on this flight. I would hope that it would make me even look better, but alas I will have to just settle for getting rid of all these aches and pains that I cannot get rid of for some reason.
So if I go on this RUB Airline flight can I put this stupid flu in a suitcase. I will need a giant size one if it keeps continuing on like this. I seem to have one good day and then more days of being sick still. But on the day I take this flight I would try real hard to be well enough.
That was a really neat way to describe your job. I really wish I could visit someday. It's just 800 or 900 miles to travel up there. But what a trip it would be.
Thank you for this trip.
God bless.
Pretty cool, Brian and I posted at the exact same time. We must of been on the same flight.
Great flight, Ronda! Better than a first class upgrade!
Yes great post indeed.the Tower gave you clearance,really.Lucky you.The Tower hasn't quite reveal clearly what it had to reveal here!In my plane.All I know is that the captain is honest and the passengers are really nice,and if one isn't,because he/she is a liar then he/she might get throw out of the plane soon or later,it's a question of time!Great post Ronda!
Have a nice day ;)
I read again and perhaps that will be interpreted wrongly.it's wasn't about you(the liar)no way.You know I trust you but someone in the bloggosphere who is playing with many people cause he/she has nothing better to do eventually.
Why why why do you live so far away . . .I soooo need a nice massage . . .I'm cleared and ready for take off . . honestly!
reading this makes me think of this classic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-g_Y0UCxmg
did you get my reservation?
I think you would have a booked flight every time! Sign me up!
That was the best flight...EVER lol
Thank you for the relaxing post Ronda!!
xoxo
mmm massage
Sign me up! I surely do have a case of the "lacks". Did you mention self-esteem?
Kat
LOL!! Perfect time of year, too! Thanks for the laugh, Ronda! :D
Had to delete and re-post comments. Forgot to check for typos.
Brian: You will receive confirmation for your flight shortly.
Sherry: I DO have a special suitcase for your swine flu. It's a pig skin bag and we're gonna send it straight to the netherworld once you fill it up. Yeah, I saw that you and Brian both got your comment up exactly the same minute. Funny.
Subby: Glad you enjoyed the flight. Thanks for flying RUB Airlines. Now that you mention it, they should provide massage on those cramped flights. But, alas, anymore you can't even get peanuts and you have to pay for suitcases so guess that's out of the question.
Miss Candie: No need to worry about misunderstanding. I totally get where you are coming from. Believe me, I have no problem giving problem passengers a toss out the door. All very nicely and pleasantly...I can smile as give the toss.
Baino: There's no waiting at the moment on the table. Give'r a go.
Mouse: your reservation is confirmed. I'm heading to YouTube to check out vid clip.
Wings: We aim to please here at RUB Airlines. Your e-tickets are on their way.
Marianna: Thanks, can I rub your feet for you?
Pup: MMM, sounds good to me too. I need one myself. Hazard of the industry.
Kat: SELF-ESTEEM!!!!! Good one. How could I forget that one (self-flagellating). He's sitting right on my shoulder.
Christina: Thanks, Christina. You get an extra 10 minutes.
Mouse: Great Bowie vid clip, Ground Control to Major Tom, thanks.
409? Is this an airline or a multi-purpose cleaner I've got a ticket for? ;)
VE: With your mind, I think the cleaner is a better choice. Don't you think 409 is THE PERFECT flight number for one cleaning out baggage? Wish I'd known I was being so clever. Didn't even notice it until you, so observently, pointed it out. Guess I shouldn't admit that though. Dang...where is that delete icon...
Book me, book me!!!! I need a trip out of this stressville. I'd like to go to margaritaville though:)
Deb: Whoa! Margaritaville? I should've contacted you as well as VE on technial advice for this post. Perhaps a connecting flight?
Ronda: You have me in the mood to get on this flight. Nice. I bet when you fly if you're conversing with your seat mate and you tell them your profession you often hear "Ooo, I have this achey spot in my shoulder...right about here. What is that? etc etc"
Am I right?
Suddenly, I am no longer afraid of flying! LOL!
I am SO on board your wonderful flight outta Stressville. I'll bring cupcakes for everyone!
nice! how much for that ticket to nirvana?
Seriously, Ronda, this is a great idea. I'll be saving my pennies for a ticket.
Hi! Ronda,
What a very interesting post...especially, for those of us who(m) have a fear of flying!...but I would gladly, close my eyes and board RUB Airline for a trip to Nirvana and Leah's cupcakes...Yay!
Thanks, for sharing!
Ronda,
Take care!
DeeDee ;-D
CA Girl: You are so right that you probably have your own 1-900 PSYCHIC HOT LINE number:)
Otin: I am so glad...come on, Leah's got cupcakes!
Leah: Okay, yours is free, everyone is splitting up your tab because you brought the cupcakes. Deb's bringin' Tequilla. What kind of cupcakes go with tequilla?
Jaime: For all my blog pals? Free!
Sandra: This charter flight is complimentary. Tequilla? Cupcake?
Dee Dee: Having massage, tequilla, and cupcakes probably would take the charge out of the fear of flying.
Nirvana, does that really exist. Then book me two for Monday, please.
Very creative. Great visual and sensory post. If only we could all be so entertaining with our entries.
409? I didn't think of a cleaner, I thought "She's real fine, Flight 409!"
And it was a nice play on "baggage" meaning luggage AND troubles & whatnot...
SF: Thanks. Gosh, She's real fine, Flight 409 is stellar:)
Rita: I do think Nirvana exists, at least in the mind. Which is, well, were pretty much everything exists. Two for Monday? You've got it!
Yes, please.
You are SO clever!
Yep this is a flight I take every other week, come hell or high water. My "captain" is almost always Mony, a sweet, young Bulgarian guy with a heart of gold. He's lovely. I also fly with Liz who can work with my energy without getting on my nerves.
How I would love to someday climb aboard your flight! Oh yeah.
***raises hand*** Me too! Me too!
Yes, I can raise the arm today without having to bite down on something. Aleve is good stuff!
Megan: You are soo on board.
Reya: I would love to meet Mony. I saw his picture as you featured him on your side bar a while back. EXCHANGING would be so fun! Let's mock that up for manifestation!!!!!!!!!
Roy: We can work with that arm, but yes, Aleve helps many people. Your e-tickets are in the ethers on their way to you.
Hi Ronda,
Thanks for leaving a comment at my site. I really appreciate it! You can still donate at my site if you want.
Love, love, love this piece! Where can I buy my ticket and how much is it? :) Have a great weekend!
Hi Gabby: Thanks. I'll go back to your site and check it out. This flight is free for all blog friends! Happy running.
i need this! oh i need this sooooo much!
a car boot (ie trunk) sale is a communal garage/yard sale. I LOVE them.
:-)
Ohhhh can I just buy a ticket for the flight? Is there an open bar on this flight? I could use a trip on RUB airlines after the week I've had..an important meeting at work and my stomach growled so loud that everyone stopped and looked at me. I just laughed it off in my typical style.
Lettuce: Thanks for explaining the "car boot sale." I knew what a car boot was but "sale" I couldn't figure out.
Mindy: Yes, there is an open bar and we will head to Margaritaville after Nirvana. Did you know that stomach growling is also a sign of relaxation? Time for you to rest up now.
Did you say a massage flight?
I need one! :D
I dont know Why..but This popped into My Head while reading your post!
Have A Fine Sunday.Regards
tony.
Reyjr: Yes, indeed. Get in line.
Tony: What a fun clip!
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