Betty Lou "Unplugged" (Theme Thursday...Whoops)

Betty Lou Stratton, Nurse Graduate

August 17,1942 to September 1945

Nee Stratton, Betty Lou, arrived in this world at a location known as Hobson, Montana, in the early summer of 1924. She was the third of seven children. The family soon moved to Lewistown, Montana. Her friends and family were her world. They were all she knew or wanted. Her mother, Blanche, was steadfast in her determination that Betty Lou would not live her life toiling in stoop labor planting crops that would, all to often, wither and produce only tears of loss and frustration. She was determined that Betty Lou would have the opportunity to bear children who might not die for want of money and lack of care. She determined to send her away in the summer of '42.

Despite her protestations, at age 18, her familial homestead was left behind as she traveled to Los Angeles, California to live with her aunt Edna, a private care nurse. Betty Lou, crushed and heart broken, missed her family terribly. Frequent, salty remorse glistened on her cheeks. Her kindly, but stern, aunt enrolled her in nursing school. World War II had just begun and nurses were needed for the cause. Betty proved to have the gift of healing and excelled. Her studies kept her mind occupied and off of her loneliness. That and the movies. She loved going to the movies in Hollywood. She could get lost for hours living a life that was not hers. She graduated from nurses training just as the war ended in 1945. Patriotic, she was disappointed that she would not be sent out to serve the war effort and its wounded soldiers.

Betty Lou Stratton, Cadet Nurse

1943-1945

Since the war was over, she moved to Modesto, California to take her first nursing job at McPheeter's Hospital in December of 1945. It was there that she met her husband, Bill. They married and had two sons. Five years after the birth of her youngest son, the family moved again, further north this time, ending up in upper northern California. She cared for her family, raised her sons, and moved forward in her career. Eventually, she took a position as the head surgical nurse at the local county hospital. She was kindly and stern, like her aunt, with a mind meshed for details.

During her career, she witnessed many tragedies and traumas. She saw families make emotional, heart wrenching decisions to place members on life support all the while knowing, that they would have been better served by quiet, and ideally, painless expunging of their light. She began to understand, with certainty, what she wanted for her self--no heroic life saving measures.

As she aged, her health problems increased. A number of non-life-threatening surgeries ensued. Eventually, she suffered a heart attack. Although serious, she always managed to come back from these occurrences with renewed vigor and zest for life. She made sure her Advance Directive stating her health care wishes and Health Care Proxy forms were completed, signed, and on file with the hospital. Her appointed proxy knew of her profound wish--NO HEROIC LIFE SAVING MEASURES! Being a woman of detail, she left nothing to chance.

In the spring of 2000, she fell down on several occasions and her teeth fell out for no apparent reason. I mean, there had to be a reason, but it wasn't obvious. She was admitted into the hospital where, for the first time in her life, she did not keep her head-nurse-eagle-eye on the doctors, nurses, and staff. She was distracted. Her mind was on, she would say, more important matters. This time, she was aware that her hospitalization was different.

After a procedure on the evening of Easter Sunday, she failed. An intensivist was called to provide emergency interventions. At a critical juncture in her event, he was made aware of her Advance Directive. He told Betty Lou that if she wanted to live, he would have to intervene with life saving heroics. She was lucid enough at the time to tell him that she would agree, if only for a brief while, until it could be determined if her life could be sustained without long term support.

It was here her problem began. After their conversation, she fell into a deep, unreachable coma. She was no longer able to define what she meant by a "brief while." She continued to need tests, treatments, surgeries, and life support. Even with all of these being performed, she failed to thrive. After a few weeks, social services, the finance department and medical staff called the proxy to make a decision regarding Betty Lou's life: continue or desist. The proxy, taking all points under advisement along with her written and verbal commands, made the decision to discontinue life support and allow her to function, or not, of her own accord. It was believed that she would only live for a few hours after support was withdrawn.

The proxy, sad and dejected, left the hospital to make arrangements for her cremation and memorial...according to her very specific and detailed orders. The proxy's wife, at home waiting his return, answered the phone when it rang. It was a nurse from the hospital. She asked for the proxy and upon hearing he wasn't available, hurriedly stated that she had been in the last step of Betty Lou's disconnect. At that point, Betty rallied from her long coma. Startled, the nurse informed Betty Lou that her life support was being discontinued according to her wishes. She then asked her if this was what she wanted. Betty blinked indicating "no". NO, she shook her head. NO! The nurse told the proxy's wife she needed a verbal decision to cease the disconnect process. She asked what she should do. The proxy's wife, being in a situation of having to make a life or death decision, and hoping her husband would agree, yelled for the nurse to stop. She told her to re-initialize Betty Lou's support. Happily, the nurse, quickly and efficiently, set about doing as she was instructed.

WHOOPS! And I mean a BIG OL' W-H-O-O-P-S! Another person's life was almost taken, albeit by her own pen, it was still nearly forfeit. When the proxy arrived home 20 minutes later, his wife told him that the hospital had called. Resignedly, he dropped his head and stated that he knew. He told his wife that he had finally given the instructions to discontinue life support for Betty Lou according to her very specific instructions regarding no heroics in the last stages of her life. He told his wife that he had been out making her final arrangements. He stated that he knew that by the time he got home to pick her up to go up to the hospital for the last time, the hospital would call with notice of Betty Lou's death. His wife, with rushed panic, explained that what he didn't understand was that Betty had risen at the last possible minute to indicated this was not her wish. And that she, the proxy's wife, upon being asked to make the final decision on the end of life, had ordered the nurse to stop the process.

A whiter shade of pale surfaced as the blood drained from his face. Catching his breath, he told his wife he felt the flames of Hell licking on the heels of his near execution of her self-imposed death sentence. What a tricky business...this interpretation of the intricacies of another's life. Especially when the ego's desire for life was stronger than the intellect's ability to account. We rarely know what we truly want until that last instant is at hand.

After that incident, Betty Lou roused, kind of, for a day or two. She couldn't speak but she would nod. It was a mad yes-nod given in response to ALL questions. Do you want to live? Yes. Do you want water? Yes. Would you like a back rub? Yes. Would you like dirt in your IV? Yes. Is dog poop a great dessert? Yes. It was as if her mind was gone but a powerfully, small piece of her own sheer will that could not, nay, would not, let her pass on, was pulling the marionette's string. Finally, even the nodding stopped as she dropped back into her coma, never to return. The disconnect process was finally executed by her doctor on May 21, 2000.

Betty Lou was my mother-in-law. My husband was her proxy. We will never forget the biggest "whoops" of our life. EVER!