Egg Hoax Case Uncovered
In March of 2001, I was talking to my sister, Tami, at work. I told her that I had just learned that one can balance an egg on end during the spring equinox, the first day of spring. So, we decided to try it even though the idea sounded rather far-fetched. With enthusiasm, we began our egg balancing trials. After a number of attempts, Eureka! We had success! We passed off this information to one of our coworkers, Jeanne. She told her husband Bill. Bill, in turn, told all of his coworkers. Egg erections spiked to staggering proportions on this particular equinox.
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My sister and I made up a joke article: Egg-balancing: Facts and Fiction. In this case, it was mostly fiction. But we truly believed what we had been told. That as the equinox is a time of balance, equal day and night, this is the only time eggs would stand. We faxed it to Bill's office. I can't remember the entire gag. Its been too long. But, I'm sure it was very funny. We are quite creative and thorough when it comes to mischievous endeavors. He spent several days informing coworkers, family and customers of this wondrous magical trick that could only be accomplished one day of the year. And then, we discovered that eggs will balance on end any day of the year. Most importantly, HE, discovered that the trick will work any time. What follows is his response (retaliation) to our practical, albeit, unintentional joke about egg standing.
Egg Hoax Case Uncovered
Current investigations of Redding's Egg Hoax case have uncovered a devious scam, planned and implemented by two Redding sisters, to undermine and destroy a prominent Redding businessman's good name and credibility. The aforementioned sisters, both of whom are employed by a prominent Palo Cedro doctor, purposely and mischievously, masterminded and carried out the hoax causing Redding businessman, Bill Casparino, to lose face and credibility with co-workers and family in a plot uncovered by Redding's own EMPLOYMENT ADVERSARIAL THREAT, SCAM & HOAX INTERVENTION TEAM, EATSHIT. EATSHIT said today that the sisters did, in fact, plan to destroy Mr. Casparino's reputation by intentionally feeding him falsified information regarding the vernal equinox egg standing fallacy. The malicious leader of the two, Ronda Laveen, accomplished this dastardly feat by deviously manipulating a member of Mr. Casparino's family to feed him this false information. Mrs. Laveen, who could not be reached for comment, has reportedly purported these sorts of heinous crimes in the past, according to SCREW YOU.
SHASTA COUNTY'S REGIONAL ETHICAL WOMAN'S YEARLY OPPROBRIOUS UNDERTAKINGS, is a watchdog group dedicated to exposing such characters as Mrs. Laveen. SCREW YOU has has previously reported that the pair have distributed falsified documents in the past. "There is a distinct lack of class emanating from these two sisters," SCREW YOU told us today. "They should be banished from the public view," said Mr. Casparino speaking from his newly formed anti-hoax crime associations headquarters in Redding. The association known as, UP YOURS, or UNITED PERSONS YAHWEH OVERSEES UMPEEN RETRIBUTION SOCIETY. "It truly is a crime that my credibility has weakened some and I vow to continue to fight for the restoration of my good name."
"I will fight to the death to clear my name," said an angry, but determined, Mr. Casparino as he was surrounded by a large, cheering crowd of supportive friends outside of UP YOURS headquarters. "I may bend but I will not break," Mr. Casparino shouted to supporters today.
Also on hand to support Mr. Casprarino, was the nationally know Washington,
D.C. based, and powerfully connected political action lobbyist group, PAAB, PAYBACKS ARE A BITCH. "With our unlimited monetary fund and hundreds of thousands of members, those two women just don't stand a chance. They will serve restitution of Mr. Casparino's good name," said their spokesman and founder, Harry "The Hitman" Genovese. Mr. Casparino was last seen being driven away in a large, black limousine with Mr. Genovese and the Godfather.
Reporting for the Record Searchlight with truth, liberty, and justice for all emanating from my pores, Captain America.
Laveen's notes: Well done, Bill. I applaud your gene Se qua. But keep your one good eye and your egg standing hand at ready 'cause, I, too, am a card carrying member of PAAB. Happy Passover!
